@linus 

I just want to say thanks to everybody here.  You have let me tell her story and have been very supportive.

I don't do Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, any other type of "social media".  I did do Angies last post on Facebook, but I haven't yet closed her account.  I don't know if I ever will.

My daughter told me to get my own account because maybe someone who reads her posts might get freaked out seeing a post on her account (I always start each post with "This is Jerry").  I don't want an account.

This place is therapy for me, as it has been for others.

I wish we could get a lot of our old posters back, but I understand why they don't come around much anymore.  There had been way too much divisiveness and cyberbullying by those who only wanted their views expressed on here.  Fortunately, we have survived through that and it's a better place to be.

Again, thanks to everybody for the support I've gotten so far.  Stick around because I'm still going to need more.

(Selfish little cuss, ain't I.)

Also, today the kids and I took some of her ashes and spread them between and at the foot of her parents' graves.  Believe it or not, it made me feel better.

I've been working at getting used to my new "normal" and things are starting to get a little easier.  I still get teary eyed when I wake up and the right side of the bed is empty.  I still tell her good morning, good evening, and ask "do you know I love you?"

I had two different Thanksgivings.  One Thanksgiving Day at my brothers' sister-in-laws house in Atlanta, one on Saturday at our great nieces house. 

My son Cliff and I took the Turkey fryer and cooked a 16 lb bird on Saturday.  All the kids were there, her ex-husband and new wife was there,  her mom and step dad, and several family friends.

My son, who is 44, was out in the yard playing football with the kids.  I had a good time watching them play while attending the bird.  I had a few tears of happy/sad going on.  Happy to see my son having a good time/sad Angie wasn't there to see it, laugh and cheer them on.  Until--I heard a little voice speaking to me.  The three year old girl had her shoes and socks in her hands asking if I could help her put them back on.  It's been a long time since a little girl had asked me that question.  

She is one of the new kids in the blended family and had only met Angie once.  She asked if Aunt Angie was going to be her Guardian Angel too since she didn't know her very well.

I told her yes that Aunt Angie was always going to be her Guardian Angel, that even though she had only met you once, she fell in love with you and talked about how cute and precious you are.  She will always be looking out for you.  

Then I got the message.  Angie let me know through that little girl that she was there watching, enjoying herself, and would forever love us all.

The really sad thing is I have to deal with idiots when I call about closing accounts and paying bills.

I'm supposed to close out her personal credit card accounts so they can't be used (Probate court says using those accounts after her death could be considered fraud).  Several times I'm told by the person at the other end of the phone line that they MUST SPEAK with the primary account holder before any action or changes can be made.  Passwords so I can check balances or make payments online, change account status to closed, even change the e-mail or phone number.

They must have a script that they read from since they all sound just about exactly alike, just different accents.

One company I finally had enough of after going through three different people, explaining that Angie has passed, being kicked up to another supervisor, explaining everything again, being kicked up to their supervisor, and ALL of them still insisted that "We can do nothing until we speak with the primary account holder."

I finally said OK, let me put the phone on speaker, put it on the mantle next to her urn, and you can talk to your hearts' content, but I don't think you're going to get an answer.

The guy actually responded: "Why do you think that?"

Guess who lost it.  I hope he had the earpiece volume up as loud as it would go.  I would like to envision him yanking off his earpiece when I yelled my response.

WHAT PART OF THIS CONVERSATION HAVE YOU BEEN LISTENING TO SINCE IT SEEMS YOU HAVEN'T HEARD , I'M HER WIDOWER, SHE HAS PASSED AWAY, SHE DIED IN OCTOBER, SHE IS ON THE MANTLE IN AN URN, SHE CAN NOT TALK TO ANYONE SINCE SHE IS DEAD.

His response, "please accept my condolences."

I told him that since I can't make payments online, not knowing what username or password she used, how are you going to get paid?  I'm not going through the crappy process of paying by phone, and she had it set up to pay through your website.  So how are you going to get paid.

We can send you a statement online.

How?  You can't add my e-mail, you can't add my phone, you can't do anything unless you talk to the "primary account holder", so how do you get paid?

We can send it to her email.

I don't know her password.

Let's put it this way.  I will pay the bill when you send me a paper statement with a payment slip.  You will get a check.  No more online payments, no more phone calls, no more contact other than by mail.  No statement, you don't get paid.

We will get a statement out today so it will get to you and be able to make the payment before the due date.

I have already made the payment through the phone which is why I told you no more phone payments.  Which brings the question of this, why was I able to make the payment in November through your website, but couldn't in December?  Look it up.

He had no response for that one.  I guess nobody had written one for their scripts.

There is one actually worse that will only send their bill through text messages on Angies' phone.  Will not even send a paper bill unless they can speak to the primary account holder.  Will not even tell me who the bill is for.  Guess who is going to be waiting a long time to get paid.

I went through the same thing. The legal bills to get things settled the way we wanted were not cheap. It was ridiculous - paying one lawyer money to protect me from laws made by another group of lawyers in the State House. 

Closing the credit cards wasn't much of a problem. Some of the utilities were in her name. One of them gave me the same story about having to talk to the primary account holder. I explained why that would be difficult, eventually got to a supervisor and after several phone calls it got done. I had to explain to someone else that at this point, her estate had no assets, so they can have fun going after her all they wanted - if they wanted the money they would have to change the account to me. I don't understand some people. At the time it was frustrating. Now I just shake my head and laugh.

Stay well. She will always be with you. 

I still make the same Christmas Eve dinnner we used to have (I'm Jewish, she was Catholic). I am now re-married and although we have many new traditions with my 2nd wife, we still keep some things the same. 

@jerry 

There's a theory in some grief counseling circles that things like this - problem solving w/the clueless - is supposed to be a distraction or a reminder that you're still alive. I don't buy it. I found it annoying. I liked your response to put the phone by the urn to get someone's attention.

I'm glad you're finding comfort in your enormous blended family. As for waking up alone, it's just that 1st 30 seconds that's bad - then you say good morning.

@cyclone88 

Every morning I walk in the living room, go to the mantle and say "Good morning Angela Kay Haskins Owens.  Did you know that I love you, and miss you very much?"

Some mornings I have to go in and say first:  "Sorry, but you know I had to pee first."

I had not been in the "Christmas Spirit" too much this year, but I remembered how disappointed Angie was last year that we didn't have a tree, or decorated the outside of the house.  She missed the kids coming over while Mom did her her Christmas shopping (we usually kept them all day several times during the season)and having the family get togethers.

So, I called yesterday and found out their Dad and his new wife still needed to get some shopping done, so I offered to keep them for the day, and they could help me decorate the house.

Started the search for a small tree and checked the obvious places.  Finally went to Home Depot, and just like all the other shops they were breaking down the Christmas displays for new merchandise.

Got the call that they were on the way and started out the door, until, I got to the shopping carts.  A voice said "Try the patio."   Might as well, and turned left down the aisle. Got out the door and heard "Look, Look!"  There to my left was a small tree, actually a very small tree.  Had it's own tree stand, deep green, not dried out, water in the stand, and a small price tag.

That will work, and I snatched it up.  Got home and had the boxes of decorations out, the tree on the side table, and a waterproof tray under it.

The doorbell rings and the kids are here.  First thing, they had to see her angel wings, then the fridge, then outside to shoot some bottles with the air soft guns.  Then down to the creek.  A few minutes later, the youngest came back yelling "He caught a catfish!"  Where?  In the creek.

Usually the creek has no water in it so I had to go see what he caught.  Yep, not only a catfish, but an eating size catfish.

The creek wasn't overflowing right then, but you could see where it had spread out across the valley bottom overnight and broke one of the limb and leaf barriers i had put up to slow down erosion.  The others had held, and were now three and four foot deep pools.  The catfish was put in one of the pools and left there.

I figured that somewhere upstream one of the ponds must have overflowed (the storm front that caused all the tornadoes hit here Saturday afternoon, lots of rain) and the fish ended up in the creek.

After all that excitement, and a spell of running through the woods shooting at anything that moved with the airsoft guns, they came inside and decorated the tree, Aunt Angies' urn, and several other places inside, they decorated outside.

When we got finished, we built a fire to warm up, had something to drink, and it was time to take them home.  Called their Mom and she said they had already eaten so i asked where they wanted to go.  All replied Dairy Queen.  A tug at my heart since Angie always wanted to stop at DQ at the end of our dates and share a banana split or a milkshake. We would sit and talk for a long time not wanting to end the night.  Pulled up to the window to order and asked what they wanted.  Oreo Blizzards, one of Angie's favorites.  That brought a smile and a tear.

On the way home I was asked to drive through downtown Macon to see the light displays down Poplar St.  Another heart skip.  Angie got me to take her to see them last year because it was basically the only "Christmassy" thing we could do was ride through the lights and listen to the music.  She dearly missed her Christmas.

Got them home and said goodnight, but not before I started a new version of a tradition I had with Angie.  I told their sister that the tradition got started more than 40 years ago.  I would take pocket change and each day buy Angie a single wrapped Cella Chocolate covered cherry.  When they started having boxes of them, I would buy her a box as quickly as I could after Thanksgiving to start her Christmas season.  The tradition now passes down to her, and I handed her a box of 16 Cella cherries.

Folks, I am now more into the spirit than i was yesterday morning, but still not totally.  I guess I'll have to go shopping tonight and see if I can finish getting that spirit to top off.

The outside:

@jerry 

Love the tree - even better than Charlie Brown's - and all the "help" you had getting it. Always good to pass on traditions.

Jerry - so sorry to read about your Angela.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This will be the first Christmas in 49 years she hasn't been by my side.  She will be with me though.  Her spirit will not only be there, but I was given a keychain with a small cylinder that holds about a half ounce of her ashes, so she is and always will be with me, no matter where I am.

Well, proof of Santa came today.  I was at my brothers' house for our annual Christmas Eve get together.  I fried a turkey, and brought presents for all the little ones that should be there.  After we ate, and digested/snoozed a little bit presents were handed out and the kids tore into the paper with the intensity that only small children could have.

I moved over a little bit to watch the kids faces as they opened the gifts, and I wished Angie could be here to see it.

A shadow came over my right shoulder and I swear someone touched my elbow, just like Angie did to get my attention while driving.  I looked in the doorway, nobody there.  The kids were opening presents, the adults were using their phones to record the kids.  Everybody accounted for.

I knew then, she was there, watching as she had done every year.  Seeing different generations of family grow up, have kids and the cycle repeat itself.

Every time the kids yelled or gasped or laughed, I felt a little pressure on my arm as if she were leaning against me, a little tug on my elbow mirroring the excitement of the kids.

When they finished opening the toys, and started comparing what they got, the presence faded away.  My brothers' sister in law asked if I was ok and I told her I was good, actually happy because Angie let me know she was here enjoying watching the kids.

So my Christmas Eve has gone pretty good.  Food, family, little kids opening presents, and the knowledge that I'm not really alone.

How have you been jerry?  I'm sure it was a tough time to be without Angie for the holidays, but it's good hearing you were together with your family a lot.

Sorry Nebish, I've been away for a while, mentally that is, dealing with people that want different things <mostly money> and only want to talk to Angie about it.

I have gotten to where I use the phrase "If you get in touch with her, tell her I still love her and want her back home."  Well, do you know where she went is the usual next question.  I tell them yes, but it's a long way off.  Is there some way we can get it touch with her?  When I respond with "Only if you die and you are going to heaven." they kinda get the point.  Some though just don't get it and I ask if it would help if I send them a copy of her death certificate.

One guy I've been tempted to tell him that he can only talk to her if he comes to the house since she isn't leaving where she sits.

Other than those frustrations, I've been doing pretty well.  I got through Valentines' Day with a couple of Facebook posts spreading Angies' view of the whole thing.

She always said that Feb 14th was for guys and gals in the "getting stage".  You've already got me, so don't you ever buy me candy before Valentines Day.  Get it the day after so I get twice as much chocolate to eat for the same price, and none of those fancy, frilly boxes.  They don't hold much candy.

During the colder weeks we've had, I was continually cutting and splitting wood from dead trees on the property.  Seems some of the older neighbors couldn't get out in the cold as well as I could and actually didn't know how to properly use a wood burning fireplace.  It gets funny when they can't figure out why the smoke isn't going up the chimney.  We have a lot of retired guys from the Navy and Air Force who I feel have never lived in a house with a fireplace.

With the warm spell we're going through (78 today and mid 80 tomorrow) I've been spending more time outdoors working the yard and getting ready to till up the garden plots.  going to plant some more Silver Queen corn, tomatoes, cantaloupes, and I kept the seeds from a musk melon Angie liked so much last year she asked me to save the seeds and plant some for her this year.  Also some cucumbers.

Spring is a great time of year Jerry.  Make the most of it!

We got some fresh snow on the ground here in Ohio this morning.  I had my mind looking towards spring as well, but still a little early even though it's right around the corner!

You split wood the old fashioned way or do you have a log splitter?  I have a log splitter.  I really enjoy cutting and splitting wood. I'm going to be cutting up a tree that fell Friday afternoon.

Angie gave me a PS-90 wood splitter for Christmas two years ago (7 ton)  I've cut down about 20 trees (mostly small, about 3-5 inches across) since Christmas this year.  I only cut down dead trees or ones that get blown over.  Two wood racks are full, and the third is getting there.  Most is split, but some of the wild Pear and wild Cherry are still damp and will need to wait till summer to dry out a little better.  Good thing I've got some pallets to put it on.

I've still got an old oak that fell over a couple of weeks ago to cut up, and some tree trunks I've been letting cure for , maybe three years. The biggest one is around 54 inches thick. 

My cuz called a few minutes ago and told me that a neighbor just cleaned up a large red oak that fell over during the last wind storm we had.  Asked if I wanted the wood.  I'll look at it this weekend.

While some of you are dealing with cold and snow, I thought I'd give you a little look at my place in Byron..  A couple of photos of one of my wild peach trees, and a photo down the easement with the wild Bradford Pears blooming.  Took those on Monday.