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Brother Eric, please know that you and your family are in my prayers.
I understand how you can, even after all these years still wonder "why?" Mine's a long story that I'd gladly share w/ you privately if you want, but in this limited space.
First off, you've come to the right place to share your cares and worries. The folks right here are THE BEST.
Secondly, I learned to not ask Why but prayed for strength to survive the times to come. I did too, but only from the Grace of God. I received a special gift in being able to share my sister's last days as co-caregiver.
I've been doing volunteer work for our hospice and I've found one truth in it all.
"You can learn a lot about life from the dying."
Keep the faith and feel the love,
Carole